Funny or Die

The banks have billions of dollars to get their message out, but your speech is free. Contact your senators about the CPFA. Nothing annoys them more then having to do their jobs."
-Dana Carvey, "Funny or Die"

Fresh Air

"The thing I learned that I could tell you today is never to lose your temper...because anger is a very, very important emotion and you must never ever share important emotions with strangers, because you will only lose face, because none of it is important to them"
- James Clavell (via Michael Caine), "Fresh Air"

The Disappearance

"Elvir had only her tears to link the two realities, that of a life yesterday...and death, which was eternal right from the first moment."
-Genevieve Jurgensen, "The Disappearance"

This American Life

"A warning to sensitive listeners, he [Alex Bloomberg] is actually going to be describing the legislative process of the United States of America"

-Ira Glass, This American Life "Houses of Ill Repute"

The West Wing

Leo: "You should blame the Constitution."
President Bartlett: "That's what I usually do."


-20 Hours in L.A., "The West Wing"

Sue Monk Kidd

"That's the only purpose grand enough for a human life.  Not just to love - but to persist in love"
-Sue Monk Kidd, "The Secret Life of Bees"


"More than once, while staring at the wall, I'd thought of Our Lady.  I wanted to talk to her, to say, Where do I go from here?  But when I'd seen her earlier, when August and I had first come in, she didn't look like she could be of service to anybody, bound up with all that chain around her.  You want the one you're praying to at least to look capable."
-Sue Monk Kidd, "The Secret Life of Bees"


"I decided against marrying altogether.  There were enough restrictions in my life without someone expecting me to wait on him hand and foot.  Not that I'm against marrying, Lily.  I'm just against how it's set up."
-Sue Monk Kidd, "The Secret Life of Bees"

Brock Clarke

"This is what poverty does, I guess: it ruins your memory of more beautiful things, which is just another reason why we should try as hard as we can to get rid of it."
-Brock Clarke "An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England"


"Of course a story could produce a direct effect.  Why would anyone yell one if it didn't?"
-Brock Clarke "An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England"

Mike Tyson

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."
-Mike Tyson

Joanna Newsom

"I killed my dinner with karate..."
-Joanna Newsom

Little Miss Sunshine

"You do what you love and fuck the rest."
-Dwayne, Little Miss Sunshine

Alexander Hamilton

"I never expect to see a perfect work from imperfect man."
- Alexander Hamilton

James C. Thomson, Jr.

"The military mind develops its own momentum in the absence of clear guidelines from the civilians."
-James C. Thomson, Jr.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

"I gotta get to Broadway, and welfare's the key."
-Dee from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Marjory Stoneman Douglas

"I'd like to hear less talk about men and women and more talk about citizens."
-Marjory Stoneman Douglas

Philip Pullman

"It's like having to make a choice: a blessing or a curse. The one thing you can't do is choose neither."
-Philip Pullman "The Subtle Knife"

Laura Viers

"Don't lose yourself, don't let yourself get lost."
-Laura Veirs

Oscar Wilde

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess"
-Oscar Wilde

Anne Rice

"People who cease to believe in God or goodness altogether still believe in the devil. I don't know why. No, I do indeed know why. Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult."
-Anne Rice, "Interview with the Vampire"

The Weepies

"In the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself"
-The Weepies

Barack Obama

"I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree"
-Barack Obama, Election Day Speech

Wayne Sawchuk

"There should be one place in the world where you have to find your own trail. All it takes is a little guts."
-Wayne Sawchuk

This American Live

"You don't know me; you only think you do."
-Bo Cat, "This American Life"


"Those were the good old days when we had everything but money."
- Mabel Davis, "This American Life"

Hilary Clinton

"I cannot excuse the past and I will not try. We can either think about the past and be imprisoned by it or we can decide we're going to have a better future and work to make it."
-Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State

Family and Friends

"Oh my God! He was so hot, he just looked at me and I orgasmed"
-Lica


Me: "I love your bifocals."
Ben Franklin (in a parade): "I like your sunglasses."


"Even on the day you were born, you looked around like 'Yeah, I could improve this.'"
-My Grandma (about me)


"I think the ice is more frozen at home."
-My sister, Sara, on why the ice melts faster in Cancun

Superchick

"True friends, they stab you in the face"
-Superchick

Scrubs

Mr. O'Neil: I was so obsessed with getting my J.D. that I never got a chance to do the things I really wanted to do. Start a family. See the world.
Janitor: Punch a whale?
Mr. O'Neil: Nah, I punched a whale. Right in the face. Down he went, like Liston
-Scrubs, "My Mirror Image"

Thomas Edison

"I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait until oil and coal run out before we tackle that."
-Thomas Edison

He's Just Not That Into You

"I believe in love the verb, not the noun."
-Greg Behrendt

Shakespear

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
-Shakespeare

Love The One You're With

"There are few things worse than a man who doesn't know his place."
-Emily Giffin, 'Love the One You're With'


"Love is the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together."
-Emily Giffin, 'Love the One Your With'